U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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