So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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