I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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