I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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