We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
