Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
