i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
