How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
