We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you will always have a special place in my vag
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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