i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
