I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
