tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
