i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
