I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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