I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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