some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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