you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize