I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
