I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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