Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
