You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
