I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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