I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize