I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
