if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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