They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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