Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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