I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
