She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
