I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
