eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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