is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
