i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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