I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize