billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's shark week go big or go home
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
