When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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