I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
