Swine flu. Run for my life!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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