I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
