Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
