you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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