your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
