I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
