I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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