Swine flu. Run for my life!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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