Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
