It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
