The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
