went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
