went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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