My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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