i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
