she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
