i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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