Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
