Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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