Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
