just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
