I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
