who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
