I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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