so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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