the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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