I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
