my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize