There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
