I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
