hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
