My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
