we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
