I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
