i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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