Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
