Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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