i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
