Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it glows. i had to have it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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