i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
