Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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