if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
