Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
