I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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