just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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