Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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