im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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