the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We left the knife in your bed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize