His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
