and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
