I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
