I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
