When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
