If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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