i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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