I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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