I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
COCAINE IS GR8
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
