My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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